I am not a person that sits still very well. I am an early riser as soon as the sun is poking in through my blinds I am up (much to the chagrin of my husband). During this time, I find my self in a quiet place. I am learning a whole new dependency on God. I thought I depended on God before, but I didn't. Not like this anyway.
Depending on God is not something new to my life, it's just that it isn't something that I do very well. What I mean is that I try to "help" God a lot. I have spiritual attention deficit at times. I am a doer, so when God calls me to sit still, I struggle. I struggle a lot.
Right in this moment I am physically restricted. I am not able to do all the things that I normally do. I am not able to go to school, I am not able to go to work, I am not able to exercise. My level of activity has significantly diminished. The sad thing is that up until three days ago I have fought this "being still" with everything in me. I have been angry at God, angry at my body and even angry at my husband. This isn't fair is what I have been saying over and over. I am SO glad that I have a patient Father God. One who is willing to let me throw my tantrum and then still love me any way.
So, what am I doing now since I'm not throwing my temper tantrum? I am learning to be still. What does that look like? It looks like me spending time with my Father. It means I am digging deeper into His Word and leaning on Him. It means that my faith is growing. Not my faith in the outcome but my faith in him. I know that His thoughts towards me are good. While I don't know how it is all going to work out I am learning that faith isn't about knowing it's about trusting. Today, right now, I am trusting in my Father. He in his gracious mercy and love has given me peace for today.
